I came to space2grieve a couple of years ago as I needed to talk and express my feelings about the passing of my mum. We were very close and would phone a few times each week.
Mum lived a two hour car journey away but I’d often drive up to see her. Mum and my dad, who passed in the early noughties, were two lovely people. They helped me when I became homeless for a short while, and mum helped me finance my University degree and took great interest in my career as an artist. I had two young children as well.
covid halted my grieving process, i felt alone and solitary
Mum died just before Covid so we were grateful she didn’t have to go through the worry of isolation or fear. What did happen though was we had to wait 13 months after she’d gone for the interment of her ashes. I didn’t realise just how much this affected me; Covid halted my grieving process, I felt alone and solitary. I was grieving for living a normal life, I was grieving for my mum, needing a final farewell and closure.
I needed to process everything that was going around me and I couldn’t, I had no one to talk to because the whole planet was going through a similar event.
In September 2021 I received an email about space2grieve. I immediately wrote to seek help. I had a quick response and was matched with a bereavement counsellor. Wonderful. I had someone I could talk to.
The following year I received news of someone who was a well known singer – my brother and I would often see his band and he’d spend time talking with us. He’d had a serious accident and had died. Soon after a very dear friend also passed, followed by my ex-partner. All passed very young in their 50s and unexpectedly within 5 months. I couldn’t find how my ex-partner had passed as we’d both moved on, but we had remained close and if I’m honest I still carried a flame for her.
I have suffered with PTSD and depression for many years so to lose these lynch-pins in my life just added fuel to the fire. Also I was in so much pain with a spinal problem and found it difficult to walk.
I contacted space2grieve once more because I was becoming more isolated. I was grieving, I knew it by then, but I kept asking the question – how could the death of these very dear people affect me so much?
I was again seen very quickly and yet again I had a wonderful counsellor.
honestly, i felt listened to, my health started to improve, i could think clearer and make better decisions about my life whilst grieving.
I still miss the ones I’ve lost, however, I feel I have got my life back and can walk properly now. My mind was numbed and in knots, but I was given a safe space to unravel, talk, cry and be and feel human again.
