We all know that the “festive” season, by its very name, is a poignant challenge to those who are bereaved. There are so many expectations around how one “should” feel or behave at this time of year.
There can be an abundance of sympathy the first Christmas after a death, but perhaps this is reduced in subsequent years. For some it is a time when families come together, adding a layer of extra stress for those who are bereaved to be cheerful and joyous, whilst simultaneously highlighting the enormity of their grief. For others, this may be their first Christmas alone – perhaps they don’t have the option of travelling to be with friends or loved ones or it just does not feel right to do so.
If Christmas is perceived as something to “survive” we can take succour from opportunities to talk about the person. We can create new routines and Christmas rituals which can help us focus on the future, weaving the loved ones we are grieving into the threads of our new lives, helping us to gradually adapt and grow. We often hear our clients say “thank goodness it’s over” or “it wasn’t quite as bad as I was expecting”.
The start of a New Year can be yet another huge hurdle to overcome for many of our bereaved clients. While we know that one day moving into another does not alter our love nor grief for those who have died, a new calendar year can bring about an increased sense of distance and disconnect to many bereaved people. This can be difficult to manage.
Staying in the moment and taking one day at a time, regardless of the date, is a huge task but is important. The question is not “how are you?’, but “how are you today?” Important and meaningful dates will be scattered through the calendar year for all of our bereaved clients, some more difficult than others. What we do know, from all of our collective years of experience, is that as humans we need to keep close those we are grieving for. We need to keep those precious memories and experiences dear to us, to keep those continuing bonds running through our lives and even more so during the days we find so challenging.
So be kind to yourself. Do what feels right and comforting for you. When lives are so busy remember the festive period can also be a time to find the space2grieve
